we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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