he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
