"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
