We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
