i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
