just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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