Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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