Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
