we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize