Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
