I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
