I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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