wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
