Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
