Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
