Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
