Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
