i will never coherently bang her
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
