I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
