So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
