If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
