it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
