I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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