Got a toothbrush?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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