Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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