I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
