By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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