Whod you bang
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
