Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
