flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
