Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
