just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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