you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
