just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
At least make sure they are 18
Why
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
whose parrot is this?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
