I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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