Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
