dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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