So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
