I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
