Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
