News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
