Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
