i wish peter jackson would direct porn
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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