whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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