I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
