I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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