Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
