It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
