Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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