someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
