I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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