i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
