come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
