Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
