Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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