I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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