New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
