im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
