We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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