did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
