Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
