my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
