if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
