just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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