i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
