i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
