Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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