So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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