I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
