I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
