So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize