And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
