i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
