need another drink. this is the easiest way
another moral hangover. fuck.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
