well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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