There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
