I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
