We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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