Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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