What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm really busy with my period
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