If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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