if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
